‘Forgive and forget’ has become “forgive with empathy, yet embody healthy boundaries and practice nonviolent communication.” Meme quote by Holistic Eleanor


This #ThinkingThursday I’m called to share my perspective on the topic of forgiveness. A longer post, but hopefully rich in reflection 🙏

Our culture teaches “forgive and forget,” right?
“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die” ~ Anne Lamott
And while this makes sense, I used to think that if I forgave someone for hurting me, I was letting them get away with their transgression, does that make sense?
It isn’t logical, but I ultimately knew I had to find a way to release the bitterness and resentment I was carrying around.
With the journey of personal development, I had to acknowledge the part I played in various conflicts. It was a frying-pan-to-the-face moment that I wasn’t always a kind person.
I discovered how to forgive myself, which was the first step to forgiving others.
On the flip side, we live in a culture where leaders acknowledging fault with sincere apologies followed up by accountability and transparency are few and far between.
We don’t really have role models to follow 😜
It’s hard to forgive those who seem to think they can get away with… whatever they can get away with.
On a deeper level, I see our culture is seemingly addicted to grudges. Our justice system is heavy on punishment and retribution, when people ‘deserve it’.
I believe we need to evolve towards reformation and rehabilitation, with compassion.
I get it, those who harm others don’t deserve leniency, do they?
That’s where it gets twisted I think, forgive and forget. Our value system is often one of power-over others, in hopes to control and influence behaviour. In forgetting, forgiveness becomes a recipe for repeated occurrences.
The more I practice self love in healing my trauma, the deeper my forgiveness gets, and the better my boundaries have evolved.
I haven’t shared about this on social media, but my close friends and clients know I’ve been on an adventure of past-life healing.
Seeing how violence was inflicted against me in days of yesteryore was way more intense than anything I’ve experienced in this lifetime, yet the ripples of that trauma still lingered in my essence.
I’ve seen and understood on a much deeper level the extent of trauma that people endure, the fear and confusion it elicits, and how it passes down and on to others.
Now I can see how trauma manifests as fight-response in some. They feel they need to look after #1 at the expense of all others, as a defense mechanism, however twisted.
These insights helped me to see how ongoing oppression is perpetrated.
What do they deserve?? Like anyone, they deserve healing.
It’s not justification, but compassion. An opportunity to interrupt and heal the pattern.
‘Forgive and forget’ has become “forgive with empathy, yet embody healthy boundaries and practice nonviolent communication.”
Trust your intuition, and develop presence with inner peace by healing your trauma, one layer at a time ☮
How is this resonating?
Your feedback and questions are always welcome!

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